What Obama Doesn’t Read… Washington newspapers.
More importantly, I think this is a great stock response to have on hand for all kinds of situations. I’m thinking maybe a shirt? Bumper sticker? Tattoo across my forehead? Subtitle to my blog? Title of my memoirs? Epitaph?
Shouldn’t this be the socially awkward pigeon?
DEAR ABBY: After a messy divorce, I moved with my 17-year-old daughter “Allie” to Florida. I’m thrilled that she has adjusted so quickly to the lifestyle here, which revolves around the beach and backyard swimming pools. Allie now has a boyfriend, “Shane,” who is 19 and in college. I like him, and it appears he likes me too — maybe a little too much.
Shane lives with his parents down the street, and he’s often at our house when he and Allie aren’t in school. Because I work at home and my office is adjacent to the pool, I can’t seem to escape him. When Allie is doing her homework or talking on the phone, Shane swims alone and does a fair amount of “preening.” I have the feeling he does it to gain my attention. The other day, after jumping in the pool, he surfaced without his swim trunks and said the pool jets had ripped them off him. Then he got out of the pool and put them back on in front of me. When I told him I found the situation embarrassing, he shrugged and smiled, leaving me feeling awkward.
Being from the Midwest, I’m used to people behaving and dressing more modestly. Here, it seems like anything goes, and the skimpier the clothing, the better. Am I a prude, or should I listen to my instincts that something is not right? And what do I say to Shane that will allow me to keep my dignity? — TAKEN ABACK IN TAMPA
DEAR TAKEN ABACK: The pool jets did not rip the trunks off your daughter’s boyfriend. It appears she is involved with an exhibitionist. If it happens again, tell him you find what he’s doing to be disrespectful and offensive, and if he wants to parade his shortcomings at his own home that’s his privilege, but at yours his pants should stay on at all times — or you’ll tell his mother. Shame on Shane.
Didn’t Family guy discuss the Hot Girl from Florida and the Mom in the last Star Wars movie they did?
The best one, hands down.
We won! Apparently!
What? Victory?! Victory over what exactly? American unity? Victory over a healthy economy? Wait, I know! Victory over billions of dollars we didn’t know what else to do with! Victory over life (we can defeat you, alive folks!). Victory over Iraqi cities with running water, working electricity and infrastructure! That’s it, isn’t it? No wait, it was probably victory over the mean bar patrons in the Mos Eisley Cantina? Victory over your morning mashed Banana and Oatmeal, John? Who was a victor here? I would really like to fucking know. Oh but thanks for reminding us who was responsible!
I think he does actually mean victory over his morning mashed nanner and oatmeal!